Pencil and Ink

As the challenge of following Jesus in the moments of each day and week continues something has occurred to me. It is that I prefer to work in ink and Jesus prefers pencil and eraser. I prefer a journey from A-B whereas he prefers to wander and take in a mystery tour. I want definition and shape and he is happier with impressions and suggestion. I like to think I am in control when he actually is in control. It is in short a realisation even a confession that in the everyday I am living in perpetual strain and struggle with Jesus. On the surface I follow him- I read the Bible and enjoy true communion with him but underneath in my heart of hearts my will my desire is alarmingly strong and well. To yield means to lose. I don't want that, my pride, my ego, would be disenchanted with that despite the fact I would be yielding to the One who has yielded everything for me. How ridiculous is that? 

So I need a new pencil and eraser so that I can learn to rest and enjoy blurred mystery which is flexible and changeable which can be rubbed out without shame or failure but in order to walk better and live more.